Sharpen Your Communication
My mom used to call it "thinking for someone else" essentially playing out a conversation in your head about how you believe a conversation will go then based on your initial mental review of the conversation (or how you think it will result) you decide whether to proceed with actually having the conversation or to go ahead and pump the brakes on it. It seems like a lot of work right? Well, it is... But when I realized this I then had to ask myself why I did it? The root of it? Fear of being rejected. I came to understand that a lot of things that I seemed to overly think about was me playing a conversation or scenario out in my head before even approaching it and proceeding with life accordingly. When I realized what I was doing, I decided to do something about it... Maybe you can relate with the fear of rejection or mentally being in your own head a lot..... So here are three things that I decided to start doing to work on myself:
1. Journal thoughts and feelings
Growing up this was a staple for me. It helped me organize my thoughts. If I'm thinking about something or in my own head, seeing what I'm thinking about on paper gives me a chance to reflect and find a root. Potentially I am able to see either how unrealistic I'm being... or give myself a chance to express my concern then move forward. Seeing what I'm feeling on paper and not jumbled in my mind provides clarity and peace.
2. Be Intentional
One of the things that I had to learn and understand about myself was the fact that I needed time to process what was going on with me before being able to engage in conversation about whatever situation was happening. It's important to understand how you engage in conversations that might make you uncomfortable and be intentional about approaching them as well. For me, if I didn't know the answer its okay to say "I don't know" but the intentional part for me is figuring out what I think and or feel. Once I have processed my thoughts the next important part if expressing those thoughts and feelings. Because my voice is just as important in a conversation. No one can read my mind... Trust me, once you hear that enough, you understand it... At least I did by the millionth time.
3. Understand that expressing feelings will be hard sometimes but in the end it's worth it
I don't like conflict. And because of this, I avoid it at all costs, even if that means dimming my own voice and feelings and moving past it(#Passive). But I didn't realize that by continuing to do this that I eventually forgot to be mindful of my feelings overall. Then, I wouldn't know how I felt because it was easier to keep the peace than create controversy... This can result in blowing up when you "tame the beast" so to speak(#PassiveAggressive). In order to create a safe space for me to express myself properly, I had to come to terms with the idea that some conflict is okay... sometimes it's necessary but I cannot contain my voice... because I am not being fair to myself or others involved by not saying anything. Especially if I think I already know what they will say. Once I came to terms with this and I tried expressing myself and it proved to be successful I felt better with doing it more often.
This post went a lot longer than expected but hopefully, it was information you can use. Maybe you have learned something different and can go about sharpening your communication skills in a different way. I'd love to know. Comment below and let me know!
As always thanks for reading!
-XO
I came across another helpful post that coincides with this so give that a look when you have a chance! 7 Ways to Connect More With Your Emotional Self Follow me on Twitter where I share these types of articles all the time!
The essence of the independent mind lies not in what it thinks, but in how it thinks.
ReplyDeleteMost people do not have a problem with you thinking for yourself, as long as your conclusions are the same as or at least compatible with theirs, when it’s not, what tends to happen is we start to back away or question confrontation. If confrontation takes place We start to think what that other person is thinking beforehand or even what the other persons response will be prior to the conversation. Why is this done? As stated above the root of this is fear we don’t want to be faced with someone else’s way of thinking and their response being different from our own but this is natural healthy and normal it’s essential and it helps us to see things from a different perspective
Let’s face it, if we had the same opinion and agreed on every single thing, would we really be true to ourselves and God?
Step out of your comfort zone and always be open to listen even if it’s not what you want to hear there will always be something new to learn in the end.
Very true! There is always something to be learned. That's another thing we have to step out of our feelings and listen to what the other individual is saying and balance engaging in the conversation with understanding their side of the conversation as well.
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